I WANT THIS

for tonight inspiration

this beautiful girl who i envy very much,

i will look like this, i will be perfect, i will have control,

i will never make my boyfriend ashamed of me anymore

or the way i look,he will be all over me, he will bring me around his friends. he will never complain about me not being as "SEXY" as i can be, he will LOVE ME

i WILL LOOK LIKE THIS !!!

tomorrow

NEEDS TO BE A BETTER DAY,

I WILL ONLY EAT UNDER 500 CALORIES

IF NOT I WILL WORK OUT TILL I FEEL NUMB

food intake

breakfast :

chicken enchalada

lunch:

chicken picata

snack:

apple & carrots

dinner :

chicken picata

i fail for today,

but tomorrow will be the first day of my new life.

failure

its not an option ,

im hungry but im not going to eat,

i will drink water instead .

i will reach my goal of 120 or less,

i will make my boyfriend proud to say im "his girlfriend"

this will happen

i will make this into a reality

if this is what my boyfriend want me to look like,

then this is what i will become ,

i seriously cannot stand the way i look any longer

its making me sick, i hate myself, i hate the way i look

i hate feeling my fat rolls ,

i hate how i jiggle,

i fucking hate how when i go shopping all the clothes i like are two FUCKING SMALL !!!! thats it ,

im done being fat,

im done eating.

i just want to be accepted and being fat is not what is ACCEPTED so i AM NOT GOING TO BE FAT !!

i will be skinny like the girl in this picture .

i will have fucking CONTROL of my life.

i will eat if i want to ,

i will get high when ever the fuck i want to,

i will starve when i feel like it.

why ?

because im IN CONTROL !!!!!

fattttttt !!!!!!!!!!!

I'm new at this so i don't really know how this works .

but i was anorexic about 3 years ago and then i recovered ,

but now i a whale and i hate every second of it !

so i been feeling like complete shit lately,

my weight and the way i look is horrifying,

all i want it to be skinny, and accepted ,

but I'm not.

my boyfriend and i made a pact that we would both lose 40 pounds

so i am more then determined to lose the weight ,

but my eating is not helping me at all

i been a pig today its horrible.

i just feel like if i don't lose this weight he'll leave me

for someone skinnier & prettier then me.

I'm 180 pounds that's disgusting. i really want to be 120

i need help losing my fattiness,

im just sick of it the way i look,

the way my fat just sicks out .

i need to not be fat.

im working out for a hour every tuesday & thursday

but thats not enough , i need to become skinny and pretty